drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
