Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
