Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We are all done wearing pants today
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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