the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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