he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
