I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
