you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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