Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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