so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
