So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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