eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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