I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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