And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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