Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
