she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
