Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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