my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
In America we eat man semen.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
