I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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