I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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