I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Houston, we have a blender
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
