Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
