I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
