i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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