Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
