I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
