girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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