and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
