this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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