I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
