im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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