is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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