you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
