I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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