You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
