HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
