At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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