hotel room ftw
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
