I could have mohawked her pubes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
