Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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