i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
