The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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