K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
