Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
