if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
