On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
