I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
