i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
