The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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