so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
