i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
