From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
did i just pee glitter
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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