i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
