Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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