Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
