Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
