You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
