I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
