Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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