So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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