I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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