Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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