Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
