Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
