True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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