I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize