i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
