I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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