Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
