I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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