How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
