he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
