i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
