WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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